I have worked with thousands of couples since 1992 to address their relationship and sexual concerns. I cannot guarantee ‘saving’ marriages or relationships, this is dependent on many factors, particularly the willingness of the couple to work toward resolutions and relationship enrichment. However, I can assure you that I have a sincere desire to achieve outcomes for couples that respect the needs, beliefs, hopes and commitments of the couple and each individual.
When there is an issue or concern for one in a relationship, that issue will impact the relationship. Therefore, to look after the relationship, both in the partnership need to address the concerns at hand.
My couple work is strongly based on Narrative Family/Couples Therapy. I understand that couples get entrenched in many negative interpretations of and stories about their relationship paths. These stories can keep couples stuck with the same unhelpful patterns of communication and problem solving. The stories can be disrespectful of the other and of the relationship itself. Children and other loved ones in the picture can be affected not only in the short term, but also for years to come.
When couples with children meet with a relationship crisis, it is wise for them to be mindful of their ‘parent status’. The couple will both be ‘parents in common’ for the lives of their children whether they remain in a relationship together or not. It is therefore wise to look after a relationship no matter what the future of the partnership holds.
It is important to come along with an honest and open approach. Any ‘secrets’ one may be keeping from a partner are not wise to share with the therapist if you want these to be kept from your partner. A therapist needs to deal with the experiences and facts that can be discussed with all parties. You can be assured that I will not ‘take sides’ or hold a secret from someone. I ask of my clients that, if they need to discuss a secret, that they do so without involving the partner in therapy with me. Couples counselling would then have to take place with another therapist.
It is important to address issues that are causing stress or depression – even if the issues are ones that you feel you cannot discuss with your partner. There needs to be a starting point to the resolution of your concerns to avoid suffering for you and those loved ones in your life. Therefore, it is best that you reach out for help with someone whom you trust and take one step at a time from there.